We fear not that the axe will lop off a branch, but that it will destroy our roots. We are not afraid only that we will lose someone’s esteem or our job, but our very justification for existence. But let this position be threatened, and not just the role, but the very foundation of our existence, is in jeopardy. As long as others agree with us-or, more accurately, don’t contradict our fantasy-all is well with the world.
They all have one common thread: we are the best, the most efficient, the Authority. The name of the role hardly matters there are an infinite number of variations on a theme. We define ourselves as the good mother or father, the compassionate friend, the wise shopper, the top salesperson. Who we are and what we do are two entirely different things, and yet the Three machine-OUR machine-would convince us that we are our product, we are our image. How did we ever get in this pickle in the first place? Let’s go back to a happier time, maybe a week or a month ago, when our “product” or our act received compliments. And then, deeper still, since the way we define ourselves also defines how we view the world and reality. However, the situation calls for a much deeper change, a change of attitude towards ourselves on the very basic level of self-definition. And, if we remember to make these efforts, we might even see a lessening of anxiety. We might even, if we have been working on ourselves for a while, resolve further to not express negativity, talk less, and keep our energy more centered. If we are dabbling in Work ideas, we might resolve to stop whatever behavior we believe has caused the situation, such as talking back to a supervisor or arguing with the spouse. If we are particularly mechanical and external at the moment, we may decide to change jobs, end the friendship, or become ingratiating. However we handle the situation, one theme is common: we are convinced that our well-being and happiness are dependent upon something external to us.īecause our lives are at a complete standstill during an anxiety attack, in the moment we feel like we are willing to do anything, anything, to make it stop. If we find, much to our surprise and delight, that our assessment of danger is incorrect, the thrill of relief lasts a very short time, and soon our machine is hot on the trail of another plot. This strategy sounds a lot more useful than the phobic approach, which is to brood and avoid, but in reality it has very limited results. How do we deal with anxiety attacks? If we have access to counterphobic Six, we will confront the situation head-on to discover if our assessment of the situation is correct, perhaps packaging it to the other person as a “reality check” in order to save face. During a severe attack, we may find ourselves unable to be present to what is in front of us, unable to breathe, unable to concentrate, unable to sleep. The body may behave as if it were under attack, with adrenaline and acutely tensed muscles, which, if left unchecked, may even result in the generation of illness. The emotional function will respond with a variety of negative states, which may include anger and indignation. The mental function obsesses over the language or gesture or the context in which the suspicious incident manifested, and tries to “think” its way through the quandary. The stage can vary it makes no difference if the anxiety is played out against the backdrop of the office, the family, social or religious group, or even the neighborhood, but the effects are always the same-and extremely unpleasant. If we are prone to shifting easily to the suspicious, Six side of the inner triangle, the sinister nature of the incident might pop into our heads with the intuitive flash of the “aha!” experience, leading us to believe that it simply must be true. Often this begins in a moment of solitude after a period of social interaction when our attention is no longer focused outward. Those of us with type Three personalities can be the life of the party one minute and find ourselves obsessing over an offhand remark or a look the next. The onset of an anxiety attack can be quite sudden. However, a Three who has begun to practice self-observation may begin to notice that the air of self-confidence is a performance designed to hide anxieties from the audience consisting of oneself, as well as others. Enneagram Type Three (the Performer), the ideal of our culture with its projections of boundless health and self-confidence, hardly seems the place to begin research on anxiety.
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